Polar bear problems? Sarita's the quicker fixer.

Now, you might think it was dumb of me to sit in baked honey mustard garlic marinade for six hours before attaching the meat and drumettes I marinaded with to hooks along my body before walking the out-doors with two open jars of honey and a freshly killed rabbit attached to a leash smearing blood along my path, but this isn't about you.

It's not about you imposing your beliefs on me, or passing judgment like some silk-robed scribe who wipes the outside of a chalice but leaves the inside full of dust and dirt. Out of my sight heathen! Let he who has never walked through bear-land with fresh-meat attached to his body cast the first javelin, otherwise ... silence yourself. This is America, we're about democracy, not your pseudo-fascism.

Needless to say, I'm not sure what happened because the next thing I knew I was waking up three months later with severe animal bites all across my sexy body, but thankfully the Palinites were trained in the ways of the Paladin, and I was able to share another beautiful day on this Earth. With a bear coat.

Thank you Sarita and Co.